This weekend while I was dancing in Florida, I spent a day at home because my grandparents had come to visit from China and I would not have been able to see them otherwise. However, they only speak Chinese and while I can understand some Chinese, I cannot speak it, so communication with my Chinese relatives is usually very difficult. It was even more difficult because they do not speak Mandarin Chinese (which is what I can understand), but instead speak a rare rural dialect, so only my dad could understand and speak to them, and had to translate for the whole family. Sometimes I noticed that he would be uncomfortable translating certain things that they would say or that my mom and sister and I would say because “they were not appropriate things to say” in the other language. This was especially interesting to me because for my younger sister and me, he would translate into English and back from English, but for my mom, he would translate into and from Mandarin Chinese, and even in the different dialects of Chinese, there were things that he deemed “inappropriate” to translate.
For example, in Mandarin Chinese it is normal for people to tell each other that they look very fat or very skinny when greeting each other, especially within families- and not always as a signal of how wealthy or well-fed you are, but a simply judgment that outright means “you should lose some weight” or “you need to put on some pounds.” While this was also ok in my grandparents’ dialect of Chinese, this is obviously not ok in English. In English, when one asks “how are you?” one expects to hear back “good” or even “tired but happy” but in Chinese a correct response focuses not so much on the self but on how one feels about being around the people or places around them, so a Chinese person would answer something like “happy that you are here-” my dad told me this is what he told my grandparents that I said, even though I actually just said “Good, how are you?” Also, in Mandarin Chinese, as in English, there are certain social boundaries to what you tell people of your opinion- you don’t tell someone if you don’t like their shirt or shoes. But in my grandparents’ dialect, apparently (or maybe just people from their region, which comprises all the people who speak their dialect anyway since it is so rare and rural), you are looked down upon for not being honest and telling people that their shirt makes them look fat and they shouldn’t wear it out.
I thought it was interesting how specific spoken elements of social etiquette seem so bound by the language they are spoken in. Thoughts?
This is actually pretty interesting! It's been a long time since I last sat in a French class, but if I remember correctly, responding to a compliment by saying "thank you" is actually rude in French culture. The socially accepted response would be to disagree with the compliment--for instance, saying something like, "Oh really? It's nothing special.."
ReplyDeleteI've also noticed that Taiwanese is a lot grittier compared to Mandarin. Taiwanese idioms are often cruder and more blunt. In fact, I think a lot of the social mores of the rural Chinese dialect you discussed are similar to those of the Taiwanese.
In terms of social etiquette being bound by language though, do you think it's possible that what dictates etiquette code is not actually the language? Maybe language is just the common element shared amongst a people that have these particular social mores.
That's a good point and I think social groups probably do have more to do with it than language but that the way each language evolved also had something to do with how social norms for each language group evolved as well.
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